Posted by on Aug 13, 2014 in Gross, Old Testament | 4 comments

Awkward Moments Bible - Poop Face - Horus Gilgamesh

No, no – not everything in the Bible is about rape, murder, incest, racism, and misogyny. Some passages are just light-hearted fun or even quite instructional! After all, isn’t this where we get the idea of potty training dogs by rubbing their noses in it? To me, this story certainly says a lot about how God sees his “children” on earth. Bad Human, Bad!

Isn’t it funny how churches will gladly exploit the very next chapter of Malachi to preach all about the importance of tithing properly but conveniently forget to mention this lovely passage? Of course, it’s likely no coincidence that a story about tithing directly follows a grim reminder of God’s demeaning intimidation tactics, designed to ensure ongoing compliance (and that beautiful jingle-jangle sound of 10% hitting the collection plate every Sunday).

Meanwhile, according to a recent study by Pew Research, there are currently over 2 billion Christians who choose to worship this dung-flinging deity. Though, in their defense, they’ve likely never been exposed to this particular passage of God’s unending love.

Personally, I could never train a dog this way. But, then again – I’m merely human. Who am I to question the Lord?

“Do as I say or I will rub your noses in sh*t!” – God

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Remember: Don’t blame us, it’s in the Bible!
This illustration and commentary can be found in
Awkward Moments (Not Found In Your Average) Children’s Bible – Vol #2.

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