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God, Our Father
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Jun25

God, Our Father

Who Would Sell His Daughters

Well, what can I say? This is one of the more disturbing passages of scripture out there, and it took me a long time to figure out how to illustrate the narrative appropriately. For just two verses, it says a lot… With the first line – uhm, 50 pieces of silver? That’s it?...

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He Is Risen!
  • Bible History
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Apr06

He Is Risen!

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

Happy Easter, Everybody!!! If you’ve been to church on Easter in the last 50 years, you’ve probably heard the pastor call out, “He Is Risen”, with the congregation expected to answer, “He Is Risen, Indeed!” I’ve always been a little uncomfortable with chanting anything in a monotone voice, as it reminds me of zombies walking the streets with their eyes rolled back in their heads. And, I’ll admit – this got me thinking about zombies… This illustration is dealing with two separate (but related) sections of scripture to illustrate the point! The guards shook for fear and became like...

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The Last Supper
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Apr05

The Last Supper

Was The First Communion

Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.  Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.  For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink!” – John 6:53-55 Growing up in the church, and spending the majority of my life involved in ministry, it wasn’t until I had to explain the act of Communion to my own children that I was forced to take a step back and really think about what it looked like to “outsiders”. “Drink his blood? That’s gross!”...

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Yay! My kid is dead!!!
  • Bizarre
  • Weird
Sep01

Yay! My kid is dead!!!

Sorry, Katie! God is good!

John Piper (Pastor at Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis) is not a fan of the “prosperity” Gospel. Yay – We agree on something! But then, he goes on to say… I’ll tell you what makes Jesus look beautiful: It’s when you smash your car and your little girl...

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Biblical Bear Attack!
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Aug29

Biblical Bear Attack!

Be Nice To Bald Men Or "Bears" Will Eat You!

“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. On the way some boys came out of the city and made fun of him. They said to him, “Go up too, you baldhead! Go up too, you baldhead!” Elisha turned around, looked at them, and put a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two mother bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys to pieces.” – 2 Kings 2:23-24 Moral of the story – balding men are people too! Apparently, cranky people with little patience for hooligans and a direct line to God’s vigilante bear warriors. Word to the wise: You had better watch what you say about Howie Mandel from now...

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Chocolate or Poop?
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Aug15

Chocolate or Poop?

We wish we didn't know!

“Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces!” (So sayeth the Lord!) – Malachi 2:2-3 “Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, to eat their own dung, and drink their own p*** with you?” – II Kings 18:27 I’m rarely...

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About The Author

What - are you crazy? Do you think I'm stupid? Consider me anonymous: He who shall not be named (or seen)... Though, if you want to send me a fruit basket or some money, sent it to info@funnybiblefacts.com.

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